Sleepless

sleep

sleep (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

I hate not sleeping well. Some nights, when I go to bed, I just can’t sleep. Other nights I wake up having flashback, or spend time awake, in the middle of the night, having flashbacks. Or more seldom, I wake up at three thirty, and fall asleep again just half an hour before the alarm wakes me. Yippee…

It happens from time to time. Insomnia.

If I can’t get to sleep at night, it is usually because I absolutely cannot miss the alarm next morning. If I have a plane to catch. An important meeting. Or if something terrible has happened, but that is out of the ordinary.

Flashbacks have occurred more seldom during the last months, a year ago, it would happen several times every week. I’d get so tired, after several troublesome nights in a row, that absolutely nothing would make sense. Day or night…

My sleep problems are much better, but so annoying, when it happens. Have you noticed that thoughts during nighttime are so different that the ones you have during the day? I can’t even blame the darkness…

Right now I try to stop taking meds to sleep, I’ve taken pills to go to sleep, and pills to stay asleep, and not have flashbacks.

From time to time, I’ve also taken quite heavy painkillers, also getting me sleepy.

Now I try to control pain in meditation, which doesn’t mean that the pain disappears. It only means that I handle it better, I have a way of coping with pain that doesn’t involve medication.

Quite strange, we seem to have (and think we need) pills for everything. And so easy, when you get into it, to just take that little pill, and know, its ok, I will have a quiet night.

I hope I will make it without any meds. Definitely a goal… so now I have cut the doses to half of what I used to take. Summer is coming up, and that is usually a difficult time for me. Too much free time, not enough routine, some wine from time to time. Not good.

So if I get trough summer, like this, I will be very happy!

I’d like for nice things to happen

English: road bicycle racing Español: ciclismo...

English: road bicycle racing  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Like feeling the green grass under my feet. The wind in my hair while going downhill fast. Have some time on the beach. Instead., these last few days have been spent mostly in bed. Woke up on Friday feeling really dizzy, went cycling for work, and back, and the world was spinning… Every time I get to bed, it gets very bad, my head won’t stop, and it actually takes up to two minutes for my eyes being able to focus again. Getting up, it’s the same thing, if I manage to hold on to something, I might get up. If not, I’ll get up to a sitting position in the bed, just to fall over to the other side or backwards. I had the same vertigo thing after my neck injury last year. Didn’t need a replay!

The weather is gorgeous, and during the weekend my plan was to go cycling. Do fun stuff with my husband, who was home for the weekend. See the boys, (I did and had to go straight to bed afterwards). So nothing turned out how I planned. Only reason I am a bit upset about it, is the cycling race in less than two weeks. I want so much to do it. It doesn’t look as it is going to happen…

Last ight have been awful too, waking up with terrible nightmares not being able to breath. Just have to get up. Fast. Having done too much sleep is not good. It never helps. I need the same hours sleep every night, same routines… and at weekends it’s always get a bit out of routines. And being ill hasn’t helped.

This didn’t turn out very good. It was supposed to be about nice things. Sorry!