Physiotherapy and pink elephants…

Just came home from physiotherapy with that ooh so nice man… Admit it is the overarms are what always gets my gaze. Anyway, he pulled my ear for 15 minutes, and then went to squeeze my head, and all the muscles you never know exists! He is very happy with my progress, this was my third visit, and the dizziness has disappeared, and headaches are much more frequent. I’m very happy!

I came a bit early today, they have a gym there as well. Not like the one I usually go to, but one for their patients, it’s a large clinic. So I did some lifting and pulling and found my muscles to still be there. It won’t take long to get real fit again. (Though I should loose some weight… hmm…). It felt real good! There were many people there today, and I did not ask any of them what their problem is! 🙂 I seem to get to talk to people all the time…

Anyway; now I feel a bit like Dumbo (remember the elephant?) My ears feels large and red (pink) and my jaw is kind of loose. He assured me that I definitely CAN fly too, after this round. I don’t think I should try.

But it made me wonder, did Dumbo really fly? (And I can never think of Dumbo without that glorious absinth scene... Never!)

BTW: These strange ideas and thoughts are what happens when you don’t sleep properly!

Shadow and sunshine

Today I’ll just post this picture. Love the colours, the place (London) and the message. I says on a sundial nearby (if the text is too small), “We are shadows”.

There is always a balance. Shadow/sunshine, light/darkness, happy/sad.
My neck-head-dizziness-thing doesn’t seem to get any better. It’s a great day for cycling, and I can’t…
But today I choose to put my face fronting the sun, feeling the energy and acquire some calmness 🙂 Happy Sunday everybody:)

What does it take to be able to CHOOSE?

Deutsch: junge Bregenzerwälder beim Schanzen i...

I’d make a spectacular fall here! Damüls-Krumbach in Vorarlberg. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve lived so many years in a sort of not-grounded state. Floating…

I hate skiing, if someone filmed me as I got my skis on, and if I managed to stay upright for ten seconds, it would be a hit on YouTube. The fall, I mean.

It has been like that, hoping to cope, hoping to be on solid ground, hoping not to fall. And I have fallen so many times. For the last 20 years, it has been slowly crawling up, and falling deep. Dangerously deep.

If someone would say to me you can choose differently (a good friend did) I’d be willing to try, but never understood. And resigned, feeling a bit lost.

I used to have a blog, where I’d write whenever I felt down, or panicked, or lost, or did drugs. It became a monster. I would hardly read it at all, and it was totally private. I’d post by phone, and just put all evil feelings there. It hardly ever made me feel better, more the opposite. I just got to think even more, and made it ever more complicated… Some thousand posts of feelings, that I felt I had to cling on to. It felt as if those bad feelings was all I had.

Good to delete it! 🙂

I don’t do blog like that anymore. Something has changed, and I am not sure what. Maybe I grew up? Maybe I got smarter? Maybe I just changed.

Now I can choose.

I have chosen to stay around for as long as I can. I was always convinced that I would die before I reached the age at which my mother died.

I have chosen to be ACTIVE in healing, though the first steps to make that choice have been taken many times.

I have chosen to change.

I’ve become aware of the minds capacity to hold on to those safe patterns of behaviour. Those destructive ones. I have decided to change them. I hope never again to feel like skiing, my mind is programmed to solid ground.

Knowing this makes me feel rich. What is it that makes you able to choose?

Green is for hope, isn’t it?

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Always liked green… Today it made me think of a large cypress we had in the garden, I used to hide inside it.
It must have been five metres tall, the branches were enourmous. Though I do remember bringing a doll out, and some ropes to make a harness in one of the branches, pretending it was a pony, iI went there to hide.
After I started school, and had friends coming over (hardly ever happened), I never showed anyone the tree. It was mine… My hidingplace…
He must have known I was there, but I can’t recall he disturbed me there. I stayed for hours.
Safe.
I was never safe in the cellar, or under the veranda…

Not very good day this, we are still on the road, going home tomorrow. Usually I love to travel… Regret not bringing my bicycle this time… Look forward to straigth work days again from Monday:)