Ground lost under my feet?

Well… I did not loose my job. Not in this round anyway. I got hired as the fourth of eight in my department, and the one hired before me, and the one hired as number six lost their jobs last week.

I did not get the job I applied for at my former employee either. So I have applied for a couple others.

There are quite a few things I don’t understand about this, and I see that I am naive, and have had a rather easy career.

I have a few new things to think about. It disturbs my balance, I have lost my sleep. I find that old patterns of thinking and feeling are Stress-Management-220x300coming back, and all my strategies for coping sort of escaped out the window.

It is temporary. There are more important things.

 

It CAN work out well?

It struck me here one of these mornings. I cycle to work, and I live in a country with lots of weather. Most of it is rain, some is below zero. At 0530 in the morning, I found that the rain had turned to ice. When there are snow, you know it can be dangerous. Ice is a bit more tricky…
Well, it happens, and there has been a few slippery mornings lately.  As my trip to work is 30 kilometers, I cannot just change my mind and take the car, the way cycling home again can easily be quite long. And I have no one to call, my husband takes the plane to another city every Monday morning.

The last morning with icy road, it struck me how easy it is to expect for the worst to happen. Me sliding on the ice ending in a ditch where no one ever finds me. It makes my shoulders raise and level with my ears, all those muscles I need for the ride to go well are as tight as never before. I loose the cool control I need pass the icy bits.

The experience that I should remember, is that I actually have made it, quite a few mornings this year. I’ve never ended in the ditch.

I have not learned to trust my ability to get through the tough spots.

The same goes for the situation at work. I expect that it will be crap, that some of us are going to leave. Even though there are four people hired in after I started, I expect to be made redundant. (Not sure how this affect my muscles, but it does affect my head).

Could those of you who have found the anti negativity button, please tell me where it is? 😉
DSC01144

Keeping on being happy

New Year Fireworks, Athens

New Year Fireworks, Athens (Photo credit: RobW_)


I am basically happy. I used to be:

  • sad
  • unmotivated
  • stressed out
  • desperate
  • impatient
  • worried

Those feelings used to own me. It is not like that anymore. I don’t go around all day with a big smile or anything, well, maybe some days. 🙂 And I feel good and calm. What used to cause real anxiety, worry, and upset me, doesn’t make me drill down into chaos anymore. I am more like “oh well, how do I solve this?”

If you have followed my blog from the beginning, you’d know I was quite intense and energetic. I posted almost every day, and I had a lot to say. I never really planned it, but writing turned out to be my breakthrough. Writing about all those bad things, made the symptoms disappear. It was probably not the only thing happening. I am not sure. At one point I felt finished. My deep dive into bad emotions and even worse memories was done.

I have been ok since then. Almost all the time.

I am very grateful that this happened.

I started thinking about next year today. What hopes I have, what I wish for to happen. I think I will put together some new years resolutions, not like the usual ones, but some thoughts on how to grow. How to reach my goals. How to continue having control and be at peace.

Thanks for reading everyone! 🙂

How social are you?

English: Infographic on how Social Media are b...

Social? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have some friends who are not in social media at all. Sometimes I envy them, but most of the time I am just frustrated that they are so hard to get in touch with. I actually have to call or text them…

Quite strange, that we are so dependent on social media to do so many things, and it has all happened so fast. I remember when a friend of mine got a “beeper” that could show text. And I certainly remember my first mobile phone.

Guess that is where it all started. However, I get the social fatigue.

I just want to switch off. There are so many people, so many channels, so many places you have to participate, that it is too much from time to time.

Somedays, I am not social at all…

Planning for good things to happen

English: Tony Corke climbs to the top of Sempe...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am really happy today (too), however, a bit scared.

Last night I managed to enter next years cycling event, it is really huge, for a small country. The second largest race in the country. I got the opportunity, and signed on and paid and then I had to breath a bit… Almost 100 kilometres mountain bike race, together with 13000 others.

This year, I had to miss out, because of all the pain in my neck and head. I am still not all that OK, but better. It felt really bad to miss it, but I hadn’t had the opportunity to prepare. To busy at work, to many things to think of, and no time for training.

So this morning I have been thinking of plans again. One of my great readers commented once on another of my planning post: ”Man plans, god laughs”. I admit I am a bit like that, I make plans. Now that Christmas is getting closer, I use a planning tool, to put everything in, so that I don’t forget. It doesn’t always work out as planned… I also like to make plans at a personal level, like I planned to quit heavy bad sleeping pills after last summer. It worked.

So now I wish I can make a plan all the way forward to the bike race in June next year. I need to loose some weight, I need to put workouts into the everyday schedule, I need to increase the amount of kilometers on the bike. I need to take great care of my motivation and dedication, if those two are not fed, they vanish.

I wish I could plan for the winter to stay away too, this morning we had 2 degrees C. But that is probably too much to ask for?

How are you about planning?

Thanks everyone :)


I LIKE you too!
It has really been very interesting to see how this blog developed. It grew fast, and really a bit faster than I ever imagined that it would. The idea was that I was writing for me, for my own therapy, and it worked. I am very happy about that! And I am very happy, that what I have put in here, has been of help for others too.
And I am very very happy that I have gotten to know YOU.
Thank you, every one of you 🙂

So how did the planning go?

Sunday and evaluation time. This week I planned to use my bike to work on Monday, which I did. 60 kilometres in one day, and it felt good. Afterwards anyway. 
I planned to go to spinning class Wednesday morning, did that too, two classes. Felt awful, and missed the quiet nature. 
I never got round to plan any food at all. It is boring when I can’t cook for anyone else but me. I am not good at eating, when I am alone. Usually I grab the easiest meal, and the easiest way out. Which hardly ever is the smartest. So no points for planning food. 
I planned to do some laundry this weekend. Which I haven’t started yet. I also planned to get up early and do some work, both today and yesterday. And I planned to blog every day. Guess last week got so busy, that there was nothing left. 

Next weeks plans: Going away Wednesday-Thursday for work. Two spinning classes on Wednesday morning, 0600-0830. Blog every day. Be nice. Use the bicycle for work, one day. 

Not too ambitious? Maybe planning is just stupid…