A speed bump, not a whole in the ground

To sum up:

I didn’t loose my job this time, maybe later…(!)
I am loosing two good colleagues in a company that is making lots of money, they are being made redundant.
I gave in to my neck/head pain yesterday and got sick leave from my GP, who said I should have come two weeks ago.
My psychiatrist worries about my parasomni, and thinks I might do something stupid in my sleep, I have been sleepwalking… (feels stupid).
I have restocked on pain meds, sleep meds, sleep cycle meds and deep-sleep-relaxing meds. Feels reassuring.
It rained too much today for cycling, (which I shouldn’t do anyway because of the pain). But I will tomorrow!

I turned up the music and danced, as I cooked dinner for me and my husband.

I love to dance. Soon I will be happy again.

🙂

speedBump

Ground lost under my feet?

Well… I did not loose my job. Not in this round anyway. I got hired as the fourth of eight in my department, and the one hired before me, and the one hired as number six lost their jobs last week.

I did not get the job I applied for at my former employee either. So I have applied for a couple others.

There are quite a few things I don’t understand about this, and I see that I am naive, and have had a rather easy career.

I have a few new things to think about. It disturbs my balance, I have lost my sleep. I find that old patterns of thinking and feeling are Stress-Management-220x300coming back, and all my strategies for coping sort of escaped out the window.

It is temporary. There are more important things.

 

Well… no… not happy

I’ve stopped sleeping. I guess it is just stress, however, stress is serious for me when getting consequenses like this. Stuff happens when I don’t sleep. I don’t want to go there again.

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Last Monday, we had meetings at work, and almost 300 people are loosing their jobs before summer. In our department of eight, two people have to go. We don’t know who yet, as “competence” will count more than “seniority”.  So, it can be me, but I don’t think so. Not in this round of cuts, but my job is definitely not safe. I was on an interview for another position, I hoped to get a positive answer, but haven’t heard anything. It was almost three weeks ago, and I haven’t got guts to call and get a negative answer.

This week we will know who looses their job in my department. Which one of my dear colleagues and friends will be let go, which office will be vacant.

I am not handling this well.

This weekend I was home alone, my husband was away. I was planning on doing lots of stuff, things I like doing, going for walks in the mountains, cycling, and some more useful things, like sorting clothes, tidying… I did nothing.

I cycle, work, and try to sleep. That’s it. Don’t like it.

 

Lazy Saturday morning

I started today with lighting the fireplace. I wake up very early, even when I don’t have to. Quite annoying, looking forward to sleeping in, and be wide awake at 0630. Not finished sleeping, still tired, but awake. Guess a few glasses of champagne last night didn’t help. Now I have had a long breakfast, watched alpine skiing on the telly, read a bit in a book, and done some blogging. It is freezing cold outside, so I guess I wont go out cycling, or play in the snow or any other cold activity.

Just a lazy day.

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This was on my way to work yesterday.

Snow

Snow Road

This could be my road home! (Photo credit: quinet)

Just yesterday, I changed to my snow tyres! We had rain and quite high temperatures, and now, my Facebook feed is full of winter things. Red wine, lit fireplaces, wool clothes. We are a bit strange here in the North!

I wish I lived in a place where there was no discussion about the weather. It is really an everyday item with us, we start every conversation with “Are you cold?” or “Did you get wet?”. I am very interested in learning other languages, and actually discovered this strange cultural difference when studying Spanish. Rain is just rain. Lluvia. I think I use at least four different expressions for rain.

One other thing though, with living where I do, is the dramatic change from the light, positive SUMMER time to depressing and dark winter time. I hate it. We are changing this weekend, so from Monday, I will not get home from work until it is dark. My head takes weeks to change to a shifted routine, even though it is only one hour. And I never get around to change the clock in my car, and so on.

Just another four months, and we are on the bright side again! 😉 Shine on, all you wonderful people. Make the world bright!

Word for this week: Planning!

English: Pope's Hill, Kielder Forest. A mounta...

Roads are not this bad on my morning trip, luckily. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Feel rather proud this morning. Yesterday when I was planning the week, and checking the weather, I decided that I might cycle to work today. So I found all my warm clothes, my shoes, some woolen socks, and laid it out, all ready. As I woke up at 6 this morning, I was so tired, and so much like, “oh no, this is not going to happen”. I just couldn’t imagine one hour and a half on the bike, before feeling awake at all.

But I did it. It wasn’t the happiest 30 km in my life, but I got to work without having had to walk up one single hill (there are quite a few). The time wasn’t bad either. This afternoon, the forecast says STORM, so it will be a fun trip home…

I know, that if I hadn’t used some time yesterday to find my gear and getting it all ready, I would have gotten into my warm and cosy car instead. The same way that I know, that if I don’t shop before I get hungry, I end up eating things I regret. Because I do have these ideas in my head: Cycling is good for me (but so many times I give up, because it is early in the morning and cold and rain and it is so far). I like to eat healthy (but some days I shop late in afternoon, after work, when I am very hungry). I recent chaos, (but I don’t plan for tidying up, not at work, not at home, however, this doesn’t stress me up, it is just uncomfortable). I need to have my head clear, to be relaxed and focused (but sometimes I get carried away with seemingly uncontrollable emotions).

It is all linked together.  This week I will focus on establishing a warm and close friendship between the planning-part and the dedication-part of me. I hope they will hit it off 🙂

Lazy Sunday

A black Roomba Robot.

I love my Roomba Robot. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I admire my excellent attitude towards house work.

Every weekend I set out to do at least some things. Do the bathrooms, wash some clothes, AND get them back in the cupboards (an operation that easily takes months).Start the vacuum cleaner robot, wash the kitchen properly. Some weeks I set out to buy new clothes, socks and underwear, because it seems to be empty. Other weekends, like this one, I suddenly discover I have 30 pair of socks waiting.

As I woke up this morning, I thought about the weekend, that it is just like three steps down. Fridays are high high up, Saturdays are something in between, and Sundays are getting things together for a new hard work week. Last chance for housework, only then it feels like trying to finish a marathon. For me, it usually breaks down to what I am going to wear tomorrow. What I need for work, and is my gym bag packed. Right now it is, because I haven’t had the time to use it…

I live alone most of the week, the girls have moved out, my husband works in a city one hour away, by air. He leaves monday mornings, and returns Thursday or Friday. And the house is not a disaster, yet. It’s basically me and the cat. We’ll manage another week, but next Friday, I will make a list, a plan. So that Sunday appears with a shiny living room, detergent smelling bathrooms, clean sheets and soft towels. :))