Always things to be happy for :)

1. It is FRIDAY!!! 
2. I am going to pick up my husband on the plane from Amsterdam in one hour
3. I downloaded a Mariza album today, and I love it
4. My daughter accidentally left a chocolate in my car (loops… )
5. Although I hate cold and dark winter, I love candlelights, and tonight the living room will be cosy and warm 

🙂 Have a lovely weekend! 

A bit too much

It seems like I am complaining. Feels that way. Yesterday I went to physio, he asked me whats up… I started explaining how busy everything has been lately, but stopped. It just felt crazy… Wrong… Nobody can have this kind of life?
He told me to meditate and relax…
Easy…

How social are you?

English: Infographic on how Social Media are b...

Social? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have some friends who are not in social media at all. Sometimes I envy them, but most of the time I am just frustrated that they are so hard to get in touch with. I actually have to call or text them…

Quite strange, that we are so dependent on social media to do so many things, and it has all happened so fast. I remember when a friend of mine got a “beeper” that could show text. And I certainly remember my first mobile phone.

Guess that is where it all started. However, I get the social fatigue.

I just want to switch off. There are so many people, so many channels, so many places you have to participate, that it is too much from time to time.

Somedays, I am not social at all…

Travel

Never sure whether I like this or not. I love to experience new things. Love to meet new people. During summer we travel for weeks, it’s kind of something I have to do. It’s fun. Relaxing.
Air travel for meetings are less fun. So many hours on airports and planes.
With all these busy people.

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So I didn’t become a superstar…

superstar

superstar (Photo credit: marie-ll)

When I was a child, I dreamt of being famous. Of having everything I wanted, travel, being rich. I had to dream myself out of all the things that was happening. But doesn’t everybody dream like that? My husband dreamt of being prime minister. I don’t remember what I wanted to be, a singer, an actress, I just remember I wanted to be somewhere else. Someone else. which of course had its natural explanations.

Life has so many “if only”. It hardly ever turn out the way you wished when you were a child. If only I was grown up. If only I had a lot of money. If you still are in the “if only” way of life as an adult, you might have a problem or two. At one point, you have to take charge and decide. Didn’t life get to be what you expected? Are you still sitting there and waiting for dreams to be fulfilled?

It is probably not going to happen. And you should not waste time waiting. The big change, is when you experience that YOU are the only one that can change things in your life. When you decide. I will be happy. I will love and be loved. I will change my way of thinking, so that I am in charge of my life.

You can decide some things. Others come crashing down from nowhere. When they do, it is good to have training. So that you can say; “Oh no, I DECIDE HERE! Don’t you dare crash into my life and try to take over!”

I am very happy that I am not a superstar. I am not even a bit famous. I am me, that’s it!

Lazy Saturday morning

I started today with lighting the fireplace. I wake up very early, even when I don’t have to. Quite annoying, looking forward to sleeping in, and be wide awake at 0630. Not finished sleeping, still tired, but awake. Guess a few glasses of champagne last night didn’t help. Now I have had a long breakfast, watched alpine skiing on the telly, read a bit in a book, and done some blogging. It is freezing cold outside, so I guess I wont go out cycling, or play in the snow or any other cold activity.

Just a lazy day.

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This was on my way to work yesterday.

When was the last time you could’t stop laughing?

Laughter...

Laughter… (Photo credit: leodelrosa…)

I love a good laugh. A few days ago we had a meeting, me and my colleagues. Usually, we are a bit formal, and also very busy. But this time, we should just check something on the web, did a search, and ended on a sick sick video on YouTube, that just got all of us laughing. And we couldn’t stop. We laughed the whole time, during the video, some four minutes. Tears and all.

It felt good.

I laugh a lot. Sometimes of no really good reasons at all.

Yesterday’s snow didn’t disappear. It is weekend, once more, and I love it! Hope YOU have a good laugh during the weekend 🙂

Snow

Snow Road

This could be my road home! (Photo credit: quinet)

Just yesterday, I changed to my snow tyres! We had rain and quite high temperatures, and now, my Facebook feed is full of winter things. Red wine, lit fireplaces, wool clothes. We are a bit strange here in the North!

I wish I lived in a place where there was no discussion about the weather. It is really an everyday item with us, we start every conversation with “Are you cold?” or “Did you get wet?”. I am very interested in learning other languages, and actually discovered this strange cultural difference when studying Spanish. Rain is just rain. Lluvia. I think I use at least four different expressions for rain.

One other thing though, with living where I do, is the dramatic change from the light, positive SUMMER time to depressing and dark winter time. I hate it. We are changing this weekend, so from Monday, I will not get home from work until it is dark. My head takes weeks to change to a shifted routine, even though it is only one hour. And I never get around to change the clock in my car, and so on.

Just another four months, and we are on the bright side again! 😉 Shine on, all you wonderful people. Make the world bright!

There will never be a book

Writing

Writing (Photo credit: jjpacres)

I love to write.

Although I do not have enough time, and sometimes I lack ideas. I love to see the words form, and sentences get meaning. Writing this blog has been so important for me. The issues that I managed to put into words, all those difficult things that I never could talk about. I wrote. I could hardly look at comments and “likes”; it made me really nervous. In retrospect, writing helped me to make all the dangerous stuff less dangerous. I found that I could think about it without ending in hopeless flashbacks. It was never good, to write, as in “getting it off my chest”. But I think that by writing, I got to use something not so closely connected to feelings, I had to be specific and clear, to the point. Set all feelings aside for a while, though my hands were shaking, and I cried sometimes. I had to plan, to decide what to write about as I sat down to do it.

‘You should write a book’, my therapist said.

Maybe I will someday. But not about this, not about, PTSD, child abuse, insomnia, flashbacks. Me, as a child, can rest now, I think. I feel ok about it all, I never would have guessed that last spring, before I started this blog. 🙂

You are all an inspiration. Thanks 🙂

So; life’s like a river. Things passes by, and we move on

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I am leaving therapy.

It has been some years. Getting ready to let go of that helping hand, is a long process. I think I decided that the time had come after summer vacation. However, I was not in a very enjoyable mood just then, returning to work, feeling the pain everywhere, from being so busy. But it was really just a bad mood. No depressions, nothing not normal about it.

So last week we decided to end treatment, or talks, as it has been lately. I have two more appointments, one in November and one just before Christmas, I think I will try to change that to after Christmas. Christmas is never a good time for me, too much family, to many memories and feelings.

I’ll get back to more thoughts on this later.

So; life’s like a river. Things passes by, and we move on

Planning for good things to happen

English: Tony Corke climbs to the top of Sempe...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am really happy today (too), however, a bit scared.

Last night I managed to enter next years cycling event, it is really huge, for a small country. The second largest race in the country. I got the opportunity, and signed on and paid and then I had to breath a bit… Almost 100 kilometres mountain bike race, together with 13000 others.

This year, I had to miss out, because of all the pain in my neck and head. I am still not all that OK, but better. It felt really bad to miss it, but I hadn’t had the opportunity to prepare. To busy at work, to many things to think of, and no time for training.

So this morning I have been thinking of plans again. One of my great readers commented once on another of my planning post: ”Man plans, god laughs”. I admit I am a bit like that, I make plans. Now that Christmas is getting closer, I use a planning tool, to put everything in, so that I don’t forget. It doesn’t always work out as planned… I also like to make plans at a personal level, like I planned to quit heavy bad sleeping pills after last summer. It worked.

So now I wish I can make a plan all the way forward to the bike race in June next year. I need to loose some weight, I need to put workouts into the everyday schedule, I need to increase the amount of kilometers on the bike. I need to take great care of my motivation and dedication, if those two are not fed, they vanish.

I wish I could plan for the winter to stay away too, this morning we had 2 degrees C. But that is probably too much to ask for?

How are you about planning?

Happy :)

smiley face stickers

smiley face stickers (Photo credit: South Carolina’s Northern Kingdom)

And I hope you are too!

Things seem to be going our way, my daughter is improving all the time, and I am pretty sure that the procedure is a success this time. We can’t be sure until after six months, but things are already looking good. I am back to work, a bit confused still, and far too busy. But that is part of everyday life, my everyday life anyway. However, I hope I have my concentration back soon.

This has been a strange time, waiting for so long. We have both just set aside everything else, and now it is a great relief that she is ok. Reality has already hit, she is finished at hospital and the rest of LIFE waits. When you get so deep into one such thing, the rest of the world just disappears. Now it has reappeared, with all the possibilities, choices and perspective. Good, but also a bit overwhelming.

Waiting finally over :)

We are happy 🙂 My daughter came up from the OT grinning and giving me thumbs up. It seems the cardiologists have managed to fix the two most serious arytmi errors in her heart. She will have to use medication to stabilize it, maybe for a long time, but compared to how her life has been for the last year, that is nothing. Not important at all.
It’s like a new aera begins. She’ll have her life back, it seems. Hopefully, no more complications. 🙂

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