About colour the day

This is me writing my story. I don’t think that I will ever be able to do it with my full name on top. I don’t think I will ever be able to share all of it with my family and friends. I don’t think I will be able to share all of it with anyone. But I will give it a try. Promise!

I am recovering from PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, and Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder) after childhood abuse. I blog to help healing, believing in sharing, but not always up to it!

Mindfulness is important to me, because it makes my days better.

Years have taught me that I have choices, I usually took the wrong ones. I hope blogging is a right choice. Please follow my blog and help me prove this is right! ๐Ÿ™‚

Add colour to every day. That way you can look back and remember, it is not all grey.

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64 thoughts on “About colour the day

    • Uncertain about telling… The whole process really. From thinking about what to write/tell, being calm enough to actually get it into writing, cope with being scared when others read, afraid of looking into comments… Anticipating change in my way of getting close to it… A way to go here! ๐Ÿ™‚ But I will try. I need this.
      Not native English speaking, so sorry for errors.

  1. I have three cats and one meditates with me. A cat is the picture of calm when they rest.

    The best thing I can share is that you do not need to accomplish anything to heal. I thought to much and had to learn that thought, thinking would help. Not thinking is The way out. You do not have to justify or explain this to anyone.

    We heal by focusing on the breath while we observe our thoughts (triggers) when they appear and explode.Our nervous system or amygdala is disordered for now. We can repair and fix that. I have and I have helped others learn the skill to focus. This is the way out.

    relax about the English or second language. Online Anneli was my first person who healed and she was Sweedish. neither one of us spoke the others language. We used the interpreter software to translate.

    It takes daily work and dedication to heal that is all. Good luck.

    • Thanks Marty, I follow you on that! Though I see I have a way to go. I have kind of an urge to tell, or to write, because it has never been a choice for me earlier. Everything has been chaos. If you read what I wrote earlier today, well… I can’t really say why I am still around. But I am, stronger than before, on the mend… So writing as a tool to try and sort things out is something I hope to do here on the blog. Like tidying a cupboard full of drawers, trow away whats rubbish, keep the good parts, and close them again. And be a more whole person. Satisfied, confident, happy and realizing that my experiences has made me richer in a way:)
      Thanks for following:)

  2. I love your blog and your openness, even if you don’t think you are being open, you are. It’s wonderful and refreshing! I look forward to more of your postings as even though you feel scared, like we all do at times, you show you are finding strength in being here! ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. I started now it is your turn affirmations, you are perfect like me in this moment.

    relax and give full effort and enjoy you. You are unique and have gained skills other do not have.

    All you need to do is integrate the trauma to now. Without the crap you can feel your self worth. Worry leave and calm enters. My job is to try and I spire you to try harder and never give up without any strings.

    Buddhists say the gift the giver and the receiver of the gift are all equal

    It has taken me some time however this is exactly true. intuition starting using intuition instead of thought as much as possible.

    Marty

  4. Becoming who you are today has taken quite a while. The core of you has always been there and is trying to heal. This journey on which you’ve embarked is an arduous one, for healing always requires additional pain. You’ve taken a positive step, however, in allowing others to witness that healing pain.

    Meditation helps this process, it’s true. Calm assists the mind in organizing and in discarding that which you no longer need carry with you on this journey toward real health. You need apologize to no one for your actions here, or any confusion in language. This is your healing process, chosen by you, to fulfill your need for healing. You do not need anyone’s permission to take this step or in how you continue.

    What you have done so far, sharing as you have, takes more courage than many ever express. I have no doubt that you will succeed in your healing, for you have shown the courage to proceed and an understanding of what works for you.

    Good luck on this path, my friend. If you don’t mind, I’ll watch your progress and kitbitz with you once in a while along the way..

  5. I will never have the courage to use my real name on my blog either, but I have begun to tell a couple of people my about my abuse. They have been surprisingly supportive and nonjudgmental. I feel accepted for the first time in my life.

  6. Blogging is definitely the right choice. Thanks for getting out there in the blogosphere and thanks for your bravery in living and sharing your stories and ideas with the world.

  7. I am actually working on a book describing being raised in an abusive home. The book explores more than anything else the relationship I had with my father and how that affected my life. It has been incredibly therapeutic and I do hope to publish it this fall.

    Keep writing and keep talking. This will serve you tremendously in healing. Give the shame and guilt that you feel back to person who gave it to you. I wrote my father two letters to do this. In the end it comes down to forgiveness.

    One of the hardest things I did was forgive him for the things he did to me, but this was necessary for my own healing. In doing this it allowed me to begin letting go of the pain and despair I had lived a lifetime with and allowed me to begin healing. More than anything I needed to forgive myself as well which for a very long time I didn’t even realize.

    I have been on a healing journey that has opened so many doors for me in this last year and half. It starts with the thought and desire to heal and then you just take that first step. Good luck to you and I applaud your bravery.

  8. Thank you so much for visiting my blog. By you visiting mine it has given me such a great gift in finding yours. I am reading through with tears in my eyes because it gives me perspective to what someone I love is going through. I am currently in the process of a divorce from a man I was married to for 11 years. He too was horribly abused as a child and is in self discovery. As much as I wish I could help and make things better, it is a path he must take on his own. We haven’t lost each other, instead he needs to find himself. Do what feels right to you. Only you know what that is. xoxo

    • Thank you for reading and commenting! I hope that you found something useful, besides crying… ๐Ÿ™‚ Sometimes crying is good too.
      You are right, everyne needs to find out things by them selves, many needs help though, to make thoughts and feeling take the right turns. Hope it works out for him, and for you, Hugs:)

  9. Thank you for the like. I too was afraid to use my name but there it is in glorious living color. I told only my most supportive family and friends at first, then I just let it fly. Somewhere in my journey I decided that I needed to let everyone see who I am…I can only hope you will be able to as well. The amazing thing is that I have had nothing but positive feedback…who would have guessed? I had a confusing youth and replicated it in adulthood. Let me assure you it is survivable and there is joy and happiness on the other side. May you find peace and acceptance as well.
    ~A kindred spirit

  10. telling gets closure, closure is healing, therefore a person can release and move forward, and live a full and happy life, and everyone deserves that.. โ™ฅ

    thank you kindly for following my blog. its appreciated.. ; )

  11. Writing has been a big part of my own healing process and I applaud you for recognizing what you need and following through with it. For those of us who live with P.T.S.D., facing our fears takes on a different magnitude of significance. You are strong, brave, and wise. I believe you will find this process (writing and sharing) helps you become self-aware and focused in a way that gives you more options about the truths you accept in your mind and in your heart, as well as a sense of freedom you may not have previously experienced. You are healing, even if it does not feel that way at every moment of every day.

    Just as importantly, In your process of healing, you are also helping others heal. Sharing what you are going through and the ways you find to reshape your thought patterns and develop new stress management skills gives other people hope and strength. Bravo! And keep up the good work!
    Many blessings,
    Sloan

    • Thanks for those kind words! When I started this, it was for me. I wanted to just get it down and out and away. But the response has been so amazing! So I realize others read and maybe get something good out of my story. Thats quite an awesome thing:) Even a bit scary!

  12. Hi! Thank you for visiting my blog. I have a similar story, a childhood history of abuse. I live with the story of that abuse that is held in my body (PTSD). I’m just starting to uncover the depths of that story and more fully release the trauma. I think writing is an excellent way to foster deeper healing, as you are doing here.

  13. Hi Colourtheday!

    thanks for stopping by and liking my post! I appreciate it a lot!
    I totally relate to your project of “healing by writing” ! Of course not only, healing is a complex process, but I am a total fan of “therapeutical” properties of writing.
    You know they say: everything you went through can be your asset, if you heal it, it’s something that brings you closer to others, to people in the same situation. Inspiring them and helping them can become your life purpose. And they say also that helping others stimulates the same brain area as cocaine ๐Ÿ™‚

    โ€œAnd the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.โ€ Anais Nin

    Enjoy the bloom ! ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. I like your way of thinking. I have to admit that not too long ago I would have scoffed at your philosophy and called it naive, but that’s just pain talking. Thank you for stopping by my blog and for the follow. Keep writing. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Understand about the naive thing… It’s not that long ago I’d think the same. The idea that meditating can be helpful, came when my rather alternative acupuncturist/physiotherapist introduced it as treatment for severe pain. I found that I could really do it, and that it helped. I started doing relaxing exercises, had success with Andrew Johnsons “deep sleep”-app, it gave me control over a rather restless body. And I went from there to reading lots about mindful meditation… meditation for dummies, mindfulness for dummies… and on to more advanced stuff. It doesn’t take pain and awful feelings away, but teaches me how to cope with them. And it has changed my perspective from “I will never get better” to “I am in control of my own healing process and choose to recover from this”! ๐Ÿ™‚
      Thanks for following:)

  15. there is more than one name
    there is the name your parents gave you
    and sometimes, a name your friends give
    you can give yourself a new name
    or more than oneโ€ฆ
    when you call your blog by a name
    youโ€™re giving yourself a name
    and the things that you do in this life
    are a bane too, heralding you
    as you move forward in this world
    sometimes, when you come in peace
    peace becomes your name

    • Peace to you too!
      I will live up to the “colour”, each day another one, to differ them from all the grey ones I have had. Each new day has so much to offer ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. Much like you, I started blogging while wanting to preserve my anonymity. Not because my story was difficult to tell (although I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, which I may one day delve into more deeply on my blog) but because I wanted to write, well, anonymously. Not having to worry about what anyone I knew thought (good or bad) and being as free as one can be in this medium. Your writing is inspiring and I wanted to thank you for finding me, for sharing your story, and for allowing me to take part in your journey of mindfulness.

  17. Pingback: The Beautiful Blogger Award… « CultFit

  18. I am going through lots of problems in my life and I blog too to retain my sanity but then not even my friends nor family reads what I write…..but when I take it out I feel better…keep blogging and u colored my day ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. I’m so glad I found your blog today. I’ll be a frequent visitor because I believe we all have something in our lives to ‘;work out’. whether it is PTSD or something else. Wishing you a beautiful day.

  20. Telling robs the lies that kept you bound for so long – I know, because I am one of you. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ But – you need to be careful with what you tell to whom – I also have learned the hard way there. You are anonymous here, so it should be ‘safe’ – but only you will be able to judge that. My prayers go out to you as you begin your difficult journey toward wholeness. You WILL make it, you see – this I also know! ๐Ÿ™‚

  21. Thank you for visiting my blog. I see we have some important things in common: healing from abuse, and blogging to help in the process. I, too am not completely open about all of my abuse because of innocent people who would be hurt if it all came out. With that said, I have been able to have some meaningful healing happen anyway. Some of the abuse I am very open about, and I blog about it. My blog is a bit of a journal for me, and it’s a place to share my experiences about healing and about raising a son with neurological issues going on. I have found my most effective path in the realm of energy medicine and healers, psychics (real ones), and alternative therapies. Everyone searching will find their way. I look foward to reading your blog.

  22. Hi … I just found your blog through another blog writer who writes about her healing and other things similar. its nice to connect with others who also write about the same things…I also write about my healing, therapy, PTSD from child sexual abuse .. its nice to know I can connect with others who write and share like I do … I look forward to reading more of your blog this weekend …. I hope to connect

    Karen
    http://www.findingthegracewithin.com

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