Never sure whether I like this or not. I love to experience new things. Love to meet new people. During summer we travel for weeks, it’s kind of something I have to do. It’s fun. Relaxing.
Air travel for meetings are less fun. So many hours on airports and planes.
With all these busy people.
When I was a child, I dreamt of being famous. Of having everything I wanted, travel, being rich. I had to dream myself out of all the things that was happening. But doesn’t everybody dream like that? My husband dreamt of being prime minister. I don’t remember what I wanted to be, a singer, an actress, I just remember I wanted to be somewhere else. Someone else. which of course had its natural explanations.
Life has so many “if only”. It hardly ever turn out the way you wished when you were a child. If only I was grown up. If only I had a lot of money. If you still are in the “if only” way of life as an adult, you might have a problem or two. At one point, you have to take charge and decide. Didn’t life get to be what you expected? Are you still sitting there and waiting for dreams to be fulfilled?
It is probably not going to happen. And you should not waste time waiting. The big change, is when you experience that YOU are the only one that can change things in your life. When you decide. I will be happy. I will love and be loved. I will change my way of thinking, so that I am in charge of my life.
You can decide some things. Others come crashing down from nowhere. When they do, it is good to have training. So that you can say; “Oh no, I DECIDE HERE! Don’t you dare crash into my life and try to take over!”
I am very happy that I am not a superstar. I am not even a bit famous. I am me, that’s it!
I started today with lighting the fireplace. I wake up very early, even when I don’t have to. Quite annoying, looking forward to sleeping in, and be wide awake at 0630. Not finished sleeping, still tired, but awake. Guess a few glasses of champagne last night didn’t help. Now I have had a long breakfast, watched alpine skiing on the telly, read a bit in a book, and done some blogging. It is freezing cold outside, so I guess I wont go out cycling, or play in the snow or any other cold activity.
I love a good laugh. A few days ago we had a meeting, me and my colleagues. Usually, we are a bit formal, and also very busy. But this time, we should just check something on the web, did a search, and ended on a sick sick video on YouTube, that just got all of us laughing. And we couldn’t stop. We laughed the whole time, during the video, some four minutes. Tears and all.
It felt good.
I laugh a lot. Sometimes of no really good reasons at all.
Yesterday’s snow didn’t disappear. It is weekend, once more, and I love it! Hope YOU have a good laugh during the weekend 🙂
This could be my road home! (Photo credit: quinet)
Just yesterday, I changed to my snow tyres! We had rain and quite high temperatures, and now, my Facebook feed is full of winter things. Red wine, lit fireplaces, wool clothes. We are a bit strange here in the North!
I wish I lived in a place where there was no discussion about the weather. It is really an everyday item with us, we start every conversation with “Are you cold?” or “Did you get wet?”. I am very interested in learning other languages, and actually discovered this strange cultural difference when studying Spanish. Rain is just rain. Lluvia. I think I use at least four different expressions for rain.
One other thing though, with living where I do, is the dramatic change from the light, positive SUMMER time to depressing and dark winter time. I hate it. We are changing this weekend, so from Monday, I will not get home from work until it is dark. My head takes weeks to change to a shifted routine, even though it is only one hour. And I never get around to change the clock in my car, and so on.
Just another four months, and we are on the bright side again! 😉 Shine on, all you wonderful people. Make the world bright!
Although I do not have enough time, and sometimes I lack ideas. I love to see the words form, and sentences get meaning. Writing this blog has been so important for me. The issues that I managed to put into words, all those difficult things that I never could talk about. I wrote. I could hardly look at comments and “likes”; it made me really nervous. In retrospect, writing helped me to make all the dangerous stuff less dangerous. I found that I could think about it without ending in hopeless flashbacks. It was never good, to write, as in “getting it off my chest”. But I think that by writing, I got to use something not so closely connected to feelings, I had to be specific and clear, to the point. Set all feelings aside for a while, though my hands were shaking, and I cried sometimes. I had to plan, to decide what to write about as I sat down to do it.
‘You should write a book’, my therapist said.
Maybe I will someday. But not about this, not about, PTSD, child abuse, insomnia, flashbacks. Me, as a child, can rest now, I think. I feel ok about it all, I never would have guessed that last spring, before I started this blog. 🙂