No, not good, not at all…

sternocleidomastoideus muscle

sternocleidomastoideus muscle (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The nerves of the scalp, face, and side of neck.

The nerves of the scalp, face, and side of neck. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

An MR machine is not like on “House”, where the patient has lots of space, light, and seems to have a good time. It’s NOT! I think today, that my nose was two centimetres from the ceiling of that very noisy machine. I did have the alarm thing in my hand, but the thought of not doing this now, and use months thinking about doing it again, kept me from pushing the button. My neck was locked in a bracelet, and I had bell shaped hearing protection over my ears.
I cried a bit.
Then I had to do x-ray.
I cried driving home as well.

Earlier today, I went to physiotherapy. He (the gorgeous looking one) is not as optimistic as he was after the first sessions. Most of last week went by trying to ignore pain and headache. Think I succeeded, in a way, but it makes me so tired.
Instead of beating up all those sore points where the muscles and the nerves are attached at the back of my scull, he worked on all muscles around the clavicle and the sternocleidomastoid muscle. This is one of the most important muscles in the neck, sort of goes from the clavicle to the ear. Apparently mine is extremely tense and strung up, he had problems trying to get hold of it at all. I was in so much pain I had to get his hands off me a couple of times.
I don’t really like to be touched, I think. He worked so close to my throat, that I found myself trying to avoid it, and him, by clutching my legs to the bench, and sliding my upper body to the side. Hanging on by my feet and some stomach muscles I didn’t know I had. Tears streaming, and my top was wet all through from cold sweat.
Right now I wonder if there is something wrong in the upper part of my vertebrae too. I, and the doctors and therapists have considered all of this to be consequences of a whiplash after the unfortunate crash between my head and a brick wall while cycling. (USE BIKE HELMETS, I did!!) My current diagnosis is cervical headache, and it is only on the left side. Now I am not sure. There is something wrong with my C1 nerve, for sure, but all these f***ed up muscles too? My physiotherapist says that time has made it all this painful. Right now, it feels like my left side has been hit by a bus, it aches in my arm, shoulder, all muscles around my clavicle, my neck feels swollen. To top it up, my headache is out of this world.
I think I’ll allow myself one tiny little depression tonight, grab some painkillers and go to bed.

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8 thoughts on “No, not good, not at all…

  1. I am so sorry. Even my back was at its worst, I had to have an MRI too (they are awful aren’t they), as well as several epidurals, and a nerve conduction test. I ended up having a pinched nerve in my lower back. It has taken about 3 1/2 years to finally get to the point where I am more pain-free than in pain. So I can relate. I hope that you can get to this point much more quickly than I did. It’s so very awful to have to live with that kind of pain – especially if it’s also causing you massive headaches. Again, I’m just so sorry.

    Hang in there. You’ll get to the bottom of this, and you’ll get to feeling better once you do. I’m thinking of you and sending healing thoughts your way.

  2. Crying can be such a relief, can’t it? I’ve had a few MRIs, too (everything okay, though). They ARE incredible noisy. So intrusive, and impossible to escape the noise. I found focussing on my breath really helped.

    So sorry that you are having all this pain, and that the physio is hurting, too. Sending you positive thoughts.

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