Bad bad feelings?

English: Toy balloons Русский: Воздушные шарики

Up and away, never to be seen again (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I really hate it, when I get into those «if only» thoughts and regrets. Why is it so hard to accept the past, and be OK with it? Guess that’s the essence of it all. It’s no problem to see that what happened to me was so wrong. I guess I used a few years just accepting that it happened. And a few years trying to find ways out of it.

Sometimes I think I have found it, the way out, and some days it is just lost again. Some days there are things that trigger feelings and memories, which I wish to be gone forever.

Some days I need help to see things in perspective.

I try to meditate, I try to live by all the mindfulness ideas, and know that it helps. But some days are just different.

I wish I could put all of these feelings in a bin bag, tie it up and throw it away. Never to be seen again.

To my:

Please leave. Now.

10 thoughts on “Bad bad feelings?

  1. It would be nice, wouldn’t it?
    Not to have to feel the ‘ugliness’ – I so wish for that right now myself.
    But, perhaps if we binned all of it, we would never be whole.
    I think it all has a place, we just need to learn how to balance it all.
    (I noticed that your background has turned blue,
    I wondered if it was reflecting you)
    Hope you find some relief soon,
    that you can rest
    and let some of your happiness back. ❀

  2. I had terrible obsessive thoughts of worry and despair for years. The only thing that helped was a belief in a God of my understanding. It released me from pain because I realized I am loved by God above and despite anything I have done or whatever has happened to me.
    When my thinking is locked in victim mode, I am blue mainly because I feel powerless. I try and (really) flip a switch and see how I can pull my core together and feel empowered. Sometimes doing service work for people who are less fortunate changes my entire attitude. By helping others, I help myself.
    Blessings to you, I am praying for you…..

    • Thanks, I am not religious, but I can still relate to what you are thinking. I use mindful meditation to sort of ground myself everyday, but whatever you do, there are good days and bad. 🙂 Thanks for following and reading:)

  3. I can very much understand what you’re saying. It’s hard to not feel in control of one’s feelings and emotions when they come up, especially when they are difficult and painful. Even though we know deep down that these things are okay, that they are natural parts of healing, sometimes even knowing this doesn’t make it any easier.

    Thinking of you and hoping all the anger, shame, loss, sorrow, and regret have eased up a little bit. x

  4. Hey there. As much as you work toward mindfulness and accepting your whole self, there are those days when the bad stuff weighs heavy. I get bogged down in self-depreciating thoughts on those days and it feels awful. Just a quick note to let you know that I understand.

  5. Its so easy to wish things had turned out differently. I can totally understand how you feel. I know that I have days where I fantasize what my life might have been like if I had went to counseling at twelve rather than wait until in my 30’s. My whole life has been plagued with what ifs….But, what ifs are not reality, and I can not focus on fantasy. I have two children I have to focus my energy on. That doesn’t mean I can function on all cylinders everyday. Not at all. I have many days I wish I could climb back into bed and will the next day to magically appear. I think if we can just get to the point that we have more good days than bad days, then we will have something to cheer about. At least I will, anyway.

Your thoughts here:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s