sleep (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

I hate not sleeping well. Some nights, when I go to bed, I just can’t sleep. Other nights I wake up having flashback, or spend time awake, in the middle of the night, having flashbacks. Or more seldom, I wake up at three thirty, and fall asleep again just half an hour before the alarm wakes me. Yippee…

It happens from time to time. Insomnia.

If I can’t get to sleep at night, it is usually because I absolutely cannot miss the alarm next morning. If I have a plane to catch. An important meeting. Or if something terrible has happened, but that is out of the ordinary.

Flashbacks have occurred more seldom during the last months, a year ago, it would happen several times every week. I’d get so tired, after several troublesome nights in a row, that absolutely nothing would make sense. Day or night…

My sleep problems are much better, but so annoying, when it happens. Have you noticed that thoughts during nighttime are so different that the ones you have during the day? I can’t even blame the darkness…

Right now I try to stop taking meds to sleep, I’ve taken pills to go to sleep, and pills to stay asleep, and not have flashbacks.

From time to time, I’ve also taken quite heavy painkillers, also getting me sleepy.

Now I try to control pain in meditation, which doesn’t mean that the pain disappears. It only means that I handle it better, I have a way of coping with pain that doesn’t involve medication.

Quite strange, we seem to have (and think we need) pills for everything. And so easy, when you get into it, to just take that little pill, and know, its ok, I will have a quiet night.

I hope I will make it without any meds. Definitely a goal… so now I have cut the doses to half of what I used to take. Summer is coming up, and that is usually a difficult time for me. Too much free time, not enough routine, some wine from time to time. Not good.

So if I get trough summer, like this, I will be very happy!

8 thoughts on “Sleepless

    • Thanks! I had one of those waking up at 3:30… feel like sleeping again now… But I’ll just keep going, dancing, singing, making tea, reading blogs, working (from home today), and hopefully, be really really really tired tonight! Hard life! 🙂

  1. Our culture in America has commercial running aimed at housewives who feel a little down that an anti depressant would be good. then another add on drug can take you to tranquility.

    We possess the ability to be healthy and happy or present without so many pills.

    the statement or the hard judgment that you hate not sleeping well will signal the ego to bring every memory in the past that supports your judgment. Now a strong emotion surrounds your sleep with many back up thoughts to reinforce them.

    The ego now is on high alert to sound off the first inclination that sleep is not normal.

    This adds stress and pressure where it does not need to be. Focus on the breath and let all the thoughts and stress of life fade. let thoughts emotions fear, here go. let go and sleep will not be far off.

  2. Meditation is a great idea, but I also understand that sometimes we need meds when the going is rough. Wishing you luck with your meditation and wishing you a good night’s sleep.

  3. I can relate to summers being a hard time – theyve always been for me as well.

    Sorry to hear about your insomnia. I struggle with it as well. I’ve been battling it this last week in fact (well along with body memories and a whole bunch of other fun stuff) – last night I was awake from 4-5:30, the night before from 2-4:30. And often it takes me forever to actually fall asleep…

    This all to say that I can relate. 🙂 Hope your insomnia dissipates soon and you can have some restful nights of sleep.

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