Me Me Me!

Mind the gap...

Thin line between hopelessness and ability to heal! (Photo credit: asparagus_hunter)

So many years spent without the ability to think outside the ME-mind! Well, I did take care of my family, I did get an education, I got a job, I have friends. But the egocentric mind, dominated for so many years. And by all means; “ME” is the mind that must heal.

Realizing last post was a genuine recipe for depression (which I definitely had) I need to make a follow up.

So I got to think… I am no longer only inside the “ME”-thing, which I described earlier. As a child, I didn’t know anything else.  Trying to cope with depression, there was never room for anyone else, really.

Like so many others with backgrounds similar to mine, you don’t just have PTSD or c-PTSD. You get depressed, you stop sleeping or sleep too much, you might have anxiety issues, eating disorders, dissociative disorder, OCDs, phobias or other stuff. None of it is very nice… Most need treatment. How hard it must be to point out THIS ONE THING as the reason for all your trouble. Like I have my PTSD. (At least that the way I see it, don’t know if my therapist agrees).

If you get a physical decease, you still have a life to live. It doesn’t have to consume all your thoughts and high wire your brain for years. If you have a mental illness, it IS who and what you are. Sometimes for most of the hours of the day. And night.

For me, realizing this, happened in retrospect. I think at one point, I decided to define myself outside of it. (I probably have decided that several times, like if you decide to diet or stop smoking again and again…) But now I feel rather successful at it.

I think all the time of how I feel, and evaluate my feelings. How do I cope with feeling sad, why am I sad, does it have to be like this? And how can I use the mindful approach and be here right now, and let it go? So many times, I find that after meditating I feel so much better. More focused, positive and with a calm here-and-now feeling. This enables see others, feel beauty, enjoy life, concentrate…

I want to focus on the good feelings (still having some bad ones from time to time), and I want to choose to feel good about me (though sometimes I don’t). It means experiencing all feelings and regard them in a state of not judging them either way. I kind of set myself outside the feeling.

I could go on for some time on this… Probably get back to it!

The depressed universe doesn’t have any room at all for any other than ME. The million-dollar question is how to get inside that ME and make it help itself, instead of forever lingering in the deep hurt and pain issues.

Have you been trough the same? How did you start to heal?

11 thoughts on “Me Me Me!

  1. “… I want to choose to feel good about me … it means experiencing all feelings and regard them in a state of not judging them either way. I kind of set myself outside the feeling”. Everything you have gone through has made you already so wise 🙂

    In meditation, learning to be the impartial observer of yourself is key. You are already doing that! What I do is keep my distance and watch those feelings and thoughts without getting involved/lingering or reacting to them. When I’m sad/depressed, angry, I just know that I am sad/depressed or angry. See the feeling/thought for what it is- be mindful of it. I learned to not suppress, but acknowledge. Not to feed those feelings and allow them to be stronger, but simply watch them from a distance- don’t let it draw you in. And like a child throwing a tantrum, set him in the corner, watch him from a distance, and eventually he will wear himself out and stop by himself. If you keep giving him attention, scolding him, REACTING, he will only keep throwing the tantrum and will probably do it more often! My feelings were the same way.

    After many meditation retreats, I eventually saw that these feelings come and go on their own accord. They are not me. I kept practicing mindfulness each time those feelings of depression and thoughts that made me depressed arise. I would see them go away, come back, go away again. Then the feelings started to disappear on their own faster. And gradually they appeared less and less until one day I was free 🙂

    I know everyone is different. And i’m sure there are other’s who have better parenting skills then me 😉 but this is the method I used to overcome my depression. My miracle pill was meditation.

    • Thank you so much for commenting:) You explain this so good and easy to understand! And it helps assure me that what I am thinking is right… So glad we are connected:) And so glad you have found your miracle pill!

  2. when I left my parents
    I didn’t think that not being sad was possible
    but I knew that thinking about it would only
    make me more unhappy
    so I struck out
    to get to know the rest of the world
    and the more I learned,
    about people’ plants, and animals
    and rocks and the sea…
    and everything I found,
    the happier I got…
    I’ve been living a very good life
    for many years now…
    and that is my wish for you.

  3. Hey… thanks for liking one of my posts 🙂 Have had a peek at your blog and love your writings… am going to give you a follow 🙂 B

  4. “I want to focus on the good feelings . . . and I want to choose to feel good about me”
    You asked about starting to heal, This sounded to me like your well on your right path.
    And as I read your words, I just felt inspired. Thankyou! ❀✿❀

  5. Honoring your feelings is the first step I think – and you’re clearly doing that. Good for you! We are human – we can be both strong and weak, happy and sad, in control and totally whacked out. And all are to be respected for what they are, all are transient and we keep moving within the flow of how we feel at a particular time. The less we judge ourselves harshly when we’re feeling bad, the sooner I think we move past it…you’re on your way (as are we all).. 🙂

  6. Hi colortheday! thank you for the liking my post. I hope you decide to follow me because I am pretty much on the same journey with regard to healing the self. I’ve been told that ACCEPTANCE is the most important element. Good Luck!!

  7. I am inspired and saddened by your words…my heart goes out to you.I can relate…I have struggled with depression, PTSD, anxiety, most of my life. It is still hard at times…but I think the old mantra you can’t heal what you dont’ feel is a good start. It took me a long time to learn how to allow myself to feel and I still get caught in my old habits of shutting down. Compassion for yourself is so important…this also took me along time to learn. I understood it intellectually but no one told me how to do it. I have found the teachings of Buddhist teacher Tara Brach to be very helpful as well as the teachings by buddhist teacher Vinny Ferraro. I honor your bravery in sharing and continuing to search and heal beyond your past.

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