Fragment (consider revising)

English: Vector graphic of a jigsaw puzzle out...

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I once went to this job interview. It was like a questioning about my life, chronological. They were three, I was nervous. I never got the job, of course, and I can’t remember if they actually got to hire anyone. The technique was weird. Maybe they were just as nervous as me.

Life is never chronological. If someone asks me how I feel, or if I had a good vacation, I answer without having to make sure they know all about what has happened ever, until the moment of their question. I don’t pass my Curriculum Vitae around if I go places where I might meet people that want to talk to me.

Nobody does.

The things we tell each other, are all fragments. If you met me, you’d put together fragments, the way I talk, what I say, how I look, my body language, my crazy hair, and you’d put together a picture. I always think I am not “giving away” too much. At least when I am in professional settings.
I am probably wrong.

Feelings are just like that too. This morning I had trouble getting out of bed. (This head/neck-thing). I must have gone through at least one hundred different feelings or imaginations before I actually got out of bed. I woke up at 5:45. And it went like this:

No, I need more sleep (set the alarm on my iPhone to 8:00)
I don’t want to feel this pain again, I am so dizzy
I’ll text my boss, say I’m not coming in
I am sad, I am aware that I feel sad
Why?
Yesterday’s blue mood…
No, this is not going to be my feelings today, I need a good day!
I need more sleep, I can sleep for three more hours for f***’s sake!
The wind through the window feels good as it strikes my chin; it’s so calm and quiet outside.
Just breathe…
A seagull, a sheep
Breathe (damnit)

It just goes on like this, I think, for all of us. Sometimes it rushes through at very high speed, sometimes I get to contemplate and concentrate (luckily), and often the impressions are without words. And somehow, the mind is able to put it all together into something sensible. I love it when I manage to find calmness, it eases the constant pressure of things going on. Sometimes during meditation, this happens, and it feels just good. The opposite are my horrifying flashbacks with high speed, fragments, no language.

I got up, and was at work at about 7. BTW grammar check in Word “Fragment (consider revising)” is also a fragment…

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2 thoughts on “Fragment (consider revising)

  1. In “The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life”, Erwing Goffman puts it just like you. Our “self” is the sum of all our parts, fragments. Through the yers that has been very helpful to me. Those I meet, – I only experience a fragment or two. If I am judmental towards myselv, I know that it only a part of me.

    • How strange!? You reminded me; that book was on my curriculum 15 years ago, on my masters degree… I had totally forgotten about it. Or not? Must be buried deep down in my mind… I should use more of it! 🙂

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