They all went away

I felt nothing.

We were a big family. My mother and him, my sister and brother. His six siblings and parents, My mothers’ sister, my three cousins, my mothers’ parents.

By the time I was ten, so many people had died. My mother. My grandfather died just a year later, his wife died just some months after that. And then my other grandfather died, he was the missionary. My mothers’ parents and the rest of her family moved away.

He wouldn’t have anything to do at all with either of the families. So from being part of family celebrations with 20-something people, we were four. And four important people in my family died in three years, when I was between seven and ten.

Hardly a family left. My brother was always out with his buddies, my sister got a boyfriend so that she could stay away as well. I never stayed at home if I could find something else to do.

We never did family-stuff, we faked Christmases, we passed by each other in a strange way, as if we had masks and costumes on and it was an absurd Italian comedy.

Everybody would put on a smiling face if we had visitors.

We had a live-in housekeeper.  She blended in.

I felt nothing.

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6 thoughts on “They all went away

  1. You are fortunate in some ways, you know. You know what you had, and what you didn’t have. You know what was missing and what you searched for. Much of that searching has led here. How much better is it that you are here rather than remain where you were.

    Yesterday no longer exists; merely its echo. Once you’ve turned the echo into your battle cry, there is only now in which to fight for a better tomorrow. Welcome to the battlefield, my friend.

  2. I am fortunate. I am here:) I wish that the way ‘here’ would have been easer to reach, but to comfort myself, I am sure that I am more than halfway to where I am going;)

  3. I can relate here as well about losing a family. I lost mine–but not really as a child–more as an adult. My daughter lost hers as a child. Thanksgiving with 30+ members just eleven years ago. Now there is 5.

    • Sorry for you… We never know what is coming, and sometimes I think that is the best! Add colour to each day, so they don’t become all grey and useless… 🙂

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